So… I Guess I’m Flaky.

What people may not know about me is that I can be pretty unreliable at times.  Not at times of actual importance, but during day-to-day life.  My anxiety can come and go, and when it goes (which is very rare!) I am more socially brave.  I’ll make appointments or make plans with someone, then when the times comes to follow through with said plans I desperately wish for the other person to cancel or hope something else will ruin them.  So yes, I am a bit flaky. 

Another note of unreliability is that my memory is as much use to me as a used tampon.  I will literally forget the topic of conversation as soon as it has passed.  You made plans with me? I don’t remember.  I said I’d watch your kid? Nope, wasn’t me.  You borrowed money from me? I think I would have remembered that.  That’s the problem with mental health though, it can impact you in so many different ways and affect your mind in ways that you wouldn’t have ever dreamt of.  I mean who knew having anxiety meant that my memory would be more than a bit sketchy at times?

Being flaky however, means I can end up missing out on things that might actually help with my anxiety.  For example, every Tuesday evening Let’s Talk Tayside , a group of like-minded individuals who also suffer with mental health problems get together and walk.  They walk to break the stigma and to help others who may be struggling with mental health. Every week I tell myself “This week I’ll go on the walk.” “This week I’ll be brave.”, but when the time comes I make up an excuse not to go and each time I regret it.

It’s okay to be unreliable sometimes, especially if you do need the time for yourself.  Just remember to be honest about it, if you aren’t feeling quite right then let people know rather than have them thinking that you’re just being rude or inconsiderate.  People will understand and if they don’t then it isn’t your responsibility to make them.  If you do feel that you’ll regret not attending something then just do it!  Don’t let your anxiety stop you from living your life.

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