My mental health has taken a down turn over the past few weeks, and I have let my anxiety get the best of me. I have let it fester beneath my chest rather than showing it any comfort. When you let these feelings fester for much longer than you should, they become darker, they become deeper rooted in your mind, body and soul. The anxiety turns to depression and although you’re aware that you should be doing something to help yourself get back up and shake things off, it feels as if you are being pushed further into this pit and that the darkness is weighing you down. You truly feel trapped.
I have no problem asking for help, but I do lie to myself about needing help. I tell myself I am “fine” even though I have locked myself in the bathroom in an attempt to get away from it all. I say “I’m just tired.” when in reality I’m exhausted from my insomnia. Everyday the lies get bigger, to the point where they become borderline ridiculous. It’s at that point where I decide that the voice telling me “I’m fine” needs to be silenced. The voice is doing more harm than good, in fact the only thing it really does is make you feel ashamed for feeling things that are quite normal for people to feel. We shouldn’t feel ashamed that our mental health has got the better of us, these things happen. The only thing we should be doing is identifying the problem and be able to deal with it without the fear of being met with mockery or contempt. If mental health weren’t so stigmatised then we would be able to discuss our worries with our loved ones without the fear of making someone feel “uncomfortable” or “awkward”.
Think of your children or pets, when you know they are feeling down or anxious you do everything you can to care for them. You give them love, warm hugs, you nurture them and bathe them. You even treat them to something special to lift their spirits, but when the shoe is on the other foot and it is you who are feeling these things you chastise yourself. You do not look after yourself. So my advice to you is to treat your mental health the way you would if is was someone you loved. Treating yourself with love, like you deserve will help you find the courage you need to ask for help.
I have an appointment with my GP in a couple of weeks regarding my mental health. It took me quite a while to book this appointment and I should have done it a lot sooner but what matters is that I booked it. Whether you have asked for help or if you are still struggling with acceptance, you will get there in the end and you are definitely not alone in this world, although it may seem like it at times. It’s okay to not be okay.