Yesterday I had my first anxiety attack of the year, and although I couldn’t stop it, I managed to grab a pen and start writing down each symptom I was experiencing as it was happening.
I think noting it down almost made it worse. Like it made it seem more real somehow. It was painful to look my anxiety in the eye and decide enough was enough, but knowing the process in which it occurs could possibly help me deal with it better in the future and maybe even stop it in its tracks before it gets worse.
My Anxiety Attack – Feelings in the Moment
I noticed the I was becoming quite antsy, like I just couldn’t stay still. I just had to move.
This happens a lot now and it can look different every time. Sometimes it manifests through pacing around the room, other times it can mean me obsessively cleaning or just simply bouncing my leg. It doesn’t matter, as long as I am moving.
After a while, I noticed that I had been pacing the room for a rather long time and I began to worry that it wasn’t normal, and I started to wonder if my partner noticed. I became a bit paranoid that he thought I was being weird or weirder than usual.
Hard to Breathe
My breathing started to feel shallow and painful. My chest felt tight like I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. It felt like an Asthma attack.
The room then started to spin and my vision appeared blurred for a moment, and I felt like I was going to collapse at any second.
My thoughts were switching so fast that I couldn’t keep up. ItWasLikeEverythingWasSoTangledThatIJustCouldn’tMakeSenseOfItAll.
My insides felt like they had been violently shaken within me, leaving me feeling like I was about to vomit.
On occasion I have vomited due to anxiety attacks.
My heart was beating so hard that I could feel it through my fingertips.
Nearing the end, I began to notice my palms sweating, distracting me from the fact that my heart felt like a jackhammer in my chest.
Eventually I was able to calm down.
Anxiety attacks always leave me feeling both mentally and physically exhausted, and it can take me up to a few days to recover from my last attack. It all depends on the severity of the attack and the trigger that set it off.
Writing about my mental health struggles isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s never easy. But I feel like in the long run it not only helps me get through things, but helps other people too and if something good can come out of me feeling like this, then I’ll keep going.
I hope 2020 holds all your hopes and dreams, but if it doesn’t then there’s always next year. You just have to choose to make it there 💕
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